Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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