yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
