Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
