I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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