I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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