I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
