I didn't shave. On purpose
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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