She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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