and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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