i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
