Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
