i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
