I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
