When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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