is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Floor bacon is actually really good
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
