He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
