I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
