There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
