someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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