Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
