I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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