I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
