no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
