FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
