you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize