I heard we made out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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