Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
