I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
