I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize