thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
