Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize