My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
