I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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