I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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