my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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