Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
