No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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