i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
