we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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