I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
