I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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