is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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