i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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