So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sext me about skeletons
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
