PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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