I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize