whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
