Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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