WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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