it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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