super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
