You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
