I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
