Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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