time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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