That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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