I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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