I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
