why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
