you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
