he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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