Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
