That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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