we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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