Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
