Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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