I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
