i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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